Damn...
I have realized something today because I have done something that is out of line.
I was with someone recently and you know same old thing, we split up. Now it has been 2 month since we separated. I mean yea, we're friends and people think that after dating it never works out to be friends. I don't believe in that kind of crap. I think its because you choose not to be friends. I on the other hand, have made a decision to be friends with this person. I have no problem with that. I mean most of all my X's, we have become cool. One of them ended up being my best friend (who died 3 years ago, bless his fallen soul).
Now... most people, they still you know, fool around with their X because they want to feel wanted. Well, I'm like that. I love getting attention and if I'm not getting it from someone that I want it from, then better believe I will find it somewhere else. The thing is, its not the attention whereas sex is involved. I just love to have comfort from someone....I mean who doesn't want to be held. I love being held and I love getting attention at times. I loved to be kissed and all that, but I don't think I need to get into that again, LOL.
Let me just get to the point. I was chilling with so and so, and things were straight. But you know, when two people have been together for a long time (year and some change... well its not that long) the same routine happens because you are so used to that person. Something happened between us that I thought would actually you know, bring us more closer. I'm not trying to make him feel salted, but when things had went down, my mind was racing for something new with someone else that I have mentioned before. Do I still care for this person, yea I do. But this is the thing I just realized...my feelings for him is not the same at all. And the way I found this out was because of what happened. I tried it before. But at that time, it was because it was the spare of the moment, and it did kind of bring us back somewhere in a way. But this time...it's not the same and I feel guilty. Why? Because I know how he feels about me.
Your probably wondering, do I know what I want. And yes I do know what I want... which is us not having to go through what were going through right now. But since that was done, I want something new in my life... not even something, it's someone and I have found that person. I want to tell him this, but then again, there are some times when I have gone through just a phase and I don't know if this one is just a phase. The only way I can find out if it is, is to take it day by day and see where my feelings fall... for him or for the person I have been feeling for (which I know it will be him).
But DAMN, I hate this shit.
I was with someone recently and you know same old thing, we split up. Now it has been 2 month since we separated. I mean yea, we're friends and people think that after dating it never works out to be friends. I don't believe in that kind of crap. I think its because you choose not to be friends. I on the other hand, have made a decision to be friends with this person. I have no problem with that. I mean most of all my X's, we have become cool. One of them ended up being my best friend (who died 3 years ago, bless his fallen soul).
Now... most people, they still you know, fool around with their X because they want to feel wanted. Well, I'm like that. I love getting attention and if I'm not getting it from someone that I want it from, then better believe I will find it somewhere else. The thing is, its not the attention whereas sex is involved. I just love to have comfort from someone....I mean who doesn't want to be held. I love being held and I love getting attention at times. I loved to be kissed and all that, but I don't think I need to get into that again, LOL.
Let me just get to the point. I was chilling with so and so, and things were straight. But you know, when two people have been together for a long time (year and some change... well its not that long) the same routine happens because you are so used to that person. Something happened between us that I thought would actually you know, bring us more closer. I'm not trying to make him feel salted, but when things had went down, my mind was racing for something new with someone else that I have mentioned before. Do I still care for this person, yea I do. But this is the thing I just realized...my feelings for him is not the same at all. And the way I found this out was because of what happened. I tried it before. But at that time, it was because it was the spare of the moment, and it did kind of bring us back somewhere in a way. But this time...it's not the same and I feel guilty. Why? Because I know how he feels about me.
Your probably wondering, do I know what I want. And yes I do know what I want... which is us not having to go through what were going through right now. But since that was done, I want something new in my life... not even something, it's someone and I have found that person. I want to tell him this, but then again, there are some times when I have gone through just a phase and I don't know if this one is just a phase. The only way I can find out if it is, is to take it day by day and see where my feelings fall... for him or for the person I have been feeling for (which I know it will be him).
But DAMN, I hate this shit.
posted by Seksi at 2:23 AM
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