Hate Towards Myself...
I hate when I do this to myself...
I start to reminece about things...
Things that would make me cry...
But I just can't help to think...
I know I should move on and live my life...
But the pain... it just HURTS so much inside...
Feels like I'm dying......
I can't get over my baby's death. (Nasa will be mad at me when she reads this blog)
I can't stop all the tears that comes out my eyes. I feel as if my tears are mine and his because we can no longer be together in reality. I feel as if when there are times that I cry he is crying because he can not be with me. But most of my times... it's just me crying, Two nights ago, I sat on my bed just shedded dreadful tears. I couldn't stop. Knowing that he is gone... I can't help it. I try so damn hard to be the strongest person that he would want me to be, but the pain resides in me and it continues to hurt. But it has come too intense.
I also ask for the pain. I can go on BP and check my notes. I look thru the ones I don't want and there I go reading his letters. Ic heck my email... and there I go again. I basically ask for it. One of the letters was stating how much he wanted to come back home. How his cousin Nasa and I were on his mind when the first incident happened to him. I can never forget how worried I was. I hadn't heard from him in about a week. And I kept thinking positive that nothing had happened to him. I kept thinking that he would be coming back home and everything would be ok. :'( All that was on my mind was him and only him! As I was reading his letter... I started to shed tears.
I know most people would be like get over it. Hes in a better place. But how? How could I just forget about him? What happened to him? EVERYTHING! The one thing that comes to mind is turning back the hands of time. Every individual thinks that way. Changing time. Changing the setting. Changing the environment. Changing the person because you may think that if they lived their lives "this way" nothing would have happened.
Every other night... I shed a tear. When I am walking, I shed a tear. When I listen to music, I shed a tear. When I see certain aspects of other people that he had, I shed a tear. When I think about certain things ... it reminds me of him and I SHED A TEAR! I CAN'T HELP IT!
I just need some time and space right now....
I start to reminece about things...
Things that would make me cry...
But I just can't help to think...
I know I should move on and live my life...
But the pain... it just HURTS so much inside...
Feels like I'm dying......
I can't get over my baby's death. (Nasa will be mad at me when she reads this blog)
I can't stop all the tears that comes out my eyes. I feel as if my tears are mine and his because we can no longer be together in reality. I feel as if when there are times that I cry he is crying because he can not be with me. But most of my times... it's just me crying, Two nights ago, I sat on my bed just shedded dreadful tears. I couldn't stop. Knowing that he is gone... I can't help it. I try so damn hard to be the strongest person that he would want me to be, but the pain resides in me and it continues to hurt. But it has come too intense.
I also ask for the pain. I can go on BP and check my notes. I look thru the ones I don't want and there I go reading his letters. Ic heck my email... and there I go again. I basically ask for it. One of the letters was stating how much he wanted to come back home. How his cousin Nasa and I were on his mind when the first incident happened to him. I can never forget how worried I was. I hadn't heard from him in about a week. And I kept thinking positive that nothing had happened to him. I kept thinking that he would be coming back home and everything would be ok. :'( All that was on my mind was him and only him! As I was reading his letter... I started to shed tears.
I know most people would be like get over it. Hes in a better place. But how? How could I just forget about him? What happened to him? EVERYTHING! The one thing that comes to mind is turning back the hands of time. Every individual thinks that way. Changing time. Changing the setting. Changing the environment. Changing the person because you may think that if they lived their lives "this way" nothing would have happened.
Every other night... I shed a tear. When I am walking, I shed a tear. When I listen to music, I shed a tear. When I see certain aspects of other people that he had, I shed a tear. When I think about certain things ... it reminds me of him and I SHED A TEAR! I CAN'T HELP IT!
I just need some time and space right now....
posted by Seksi at 12:29 AM
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