The News...

Yesturday I received a phone call from my baby and she called me to see how I was doing since we haven't talked for a while. It was nice to hear her voice and all her little jokes which made my day before I went to work. As we were talking and laughing she goes I have something to tell you. My mind went completely blank because I didn't know if it had to do somethin with me, her, my brother, or my x (she's close to him), I asked her what it was and my heart started racing. She starts off saying she doesn't know if how I would take it. She then says you'll be happy but then again sad. I said WHAT IS IT? So she tells me her brother pasted the test (he went to NY to take a test to be an officer since Boston wouldn't let him because of some requirement). I was REALLY happy for him, but then again sad at the same time. The reason I was sad and it hit me hard when I got home was... since he pasted it, he has to move to NY!

Now, the thing with me and him, he's a cool person to hang out with. He's loud (just like me, but worse, lol), crazy in his own way, and real about things. I can say that this person opens my eyes at times to make me realize what I portray to him (which is changing) and hes also sweet. I used to be on the phone late at nights with him talking about everything. It could be 3 in the morning and he or I would be getting a phone call at that time. I missed those nights though. We chilled a couple of times. I wish we chilled more often but you know, I have 2 jobs so I barely have time for my ownself and he's doing his thing so you know...

I just hope I spend more time with him before he leaves. She knows how I feel about him and he also knows how I feel. Its mutual... but still as friends, it hurts you know. :o( The one person you think that you can bond with in many ways is not going to be around anymore... so that's like another lost. In a way it is but in another way it's not. His sister reminds me of him at times. She's my baby though.

Anywho, I'm going to work... this was on my mind so I thought of letting it a little out before I left the crib...
*Seksi*

Drama & Random Thoughts Again

Call me the "Drama Queen" Because I will argue with you for anything to understand what is going on...

It seems to me that I like drama. My life evolves around drama. Nothing new to me. Drama from my parents to my family. Drama from school to my friends. Then drama from my boyfriend (don't have one as I write) to my x boyfriends.

Everyday there is something new. Well not literally everyday. I mean there are times where some things are needed to be said and it turns out into an arguement. Maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut for once. However when things are not said then that causes drama. Whenever there is a time that I don't feel like saying something, it also leads to an arguement. Does that make sense?? So what the freak does some certain people want from me. If i do not feel like expressing myself I'm the bad person. I hold shit in for no apparent reason. But then again, when I finally express my thoughts its the same way. There is no point of anything.

I do not understansd people at all. You want something and when it is given, you do not want it anymore. MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING DAMN MIND!!! Don;'t play little childish shit with me. I just don't get it at all. It's like you want ice cream right... then I go and buy it for you... trying to make everything better for you but there is traffic on your way to buy it... so it took a while. Then when i bring it to you... YOU DON'T WANT IT?! (made no sense, but it's whtever) That makes me so upset. Just wasting my damn time.

How do you give up on something that you have wanted for so long? I don't understand how you work for something for how many years and then the opportunity comes to you and you just drop it? Obviously that's not what you wanted. I mean be for real... your just gonna give up on what you worked for??

Some people just do not get when I say "I am done" means I'm done with whatever I am talking about. Don't come at me real cocky. However I like to see someone act cocky because they really look stupid to me. I will literally laugh in your face for that shit and then tell you about yourself. I will not stand here and take bullshit like that from nobody, not even my parents. When i am done with something/someone... I don't want it a part of my life (in certain situations). I should not have to sit there and kiss ass to fix things.

You know what I hate the most... people who think that they are the shit. Like I am suppose to cry over them. I am suppose to praise them and want them forever! LMFAO... Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever had someone come to you and say I know you have cried for me when it never happened? I know that you still want me when you have forgot them so quick that you handling your own? Then they have the audacity to say shits like (LOL... this is so funny) you are mad at me because you and I are not having a relatinship no more. PLEASE GET OVER YOUSELF!!! Me and this nigga have been friends since Jan. I have been doing me, having my fun in my life and not worry about shits and you are coming up to me to say all that shit?! Look... I am a grown ass women, I am not letting some cocky nigga come to me and think imma say all them shits back to him. No nigga can break me (well... you know, no suh, lol). There are plenty of fishes in the sea... your not the only nigga in my damn life. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE!

UGH! As I sit here and see what I am writing... it gets me upset... so let me leave this ight.
*Seksi*

Whole New Person...

I feel really new today. I have actually felt new for almost two weeks now. I don't feel the way i used to feel during my whole life. I have done some crazy things for the past few days also... loved every bit of it :)

Last night I did something that was out of my character. Did I feel good about it... of course I did. I had no shame in what I have done. Would I do it again... of course I would. I mean I have been holding things inside me for my whole life. I should learn to enjoy my life to the fullest and take any risk. I mean I will never know when my last day would be. So I should take it day by day and have fun with it. I mean I have been thinking about this for the longest time ever... well ever since I have met this person (nothing sexual). And yesturday...it happened and I am hoping that it would happen again :D

I also did something else out of my character the night before that. I stopped, well actually I yelled out to these Bikers and said "Nice Bike!" I am a motorcycle fanatic!! I seriously want one to ride. I'm getting my permit for it by next month and I hope the person I asked to help me search for one would help me. But yea... I yelled that out the window of my girls car (she called me crazy) then they asked us to pull over. I told her to pull over to see what they have to offer. These dudes were cool and everything, but their ages was just not in my sense. They were over 30, lol. Nothing wrong with that...but that is NOT in my character to start talking to one like that, lol. But anywho I was amazed by his bike and he seen that in my eyes so he told me sit on it and start if off. He told me to take it for a spin but I said naw because I don't know how to ride one just yet. But he trusted me with it...but I insisted that I would learn first before I get on his and ride it. Sooooo I gave him my number and he gave me his... his friend did the same and gave it to my girl that was with me. So supposedly we're suppose to meet and they will teach us how to ride it. SO EXCITED!! :D

My whole attitude about everything has changed. i don't take much things as serious anymore. I don't involve myself with some people who do not deserve to be respected. I just noticed... there are a lot of people who play a certain role but they lie to themselves and to me. I don't need that anymore. So basically I erased most of them out my life. I haven't talked to them and I am not planning to anymore. I mean I know for a fact that I will be seeing them some time soon in life... and I'm not going to be ignorant about it either (if they speak one word to me) by not saying Hi or starting some sort of conversation...but right now... its whatever to me. I feel much better without problems. I know I start most of them but you can not help that your name is being spoken without your presence being around. I want some new REAL people in my life. I already started socializing with new people. However, I haven't given 100% of trust. Only in one (known him for a hot minute now).

Anywho... I have to go now. I have to go to work so maybe tonight I will leave a new message about what I have spoken about in my first paragraph :)
(Love You Angel)
*Seksi*

Just Be A Man About It...

Why is it when you confront a person they got to lie?? I want to know what is wrong with telling the truth! I don't get it at times. I mean damn, BE REAL with me expecially if you got ppl blowing up your own spot which they suppose to be cool with you.

I swear niggas are just plain CORNY in boston. I only met 3 in my life that has been real to me and they proven to me that their man enough to admit to their action without no hesitation. One of them... I have a crush on... dope as hell, but that doesn't matter at this moment. The other... something about him just I dunno gets to me at times. Hes not scared to speak his mind and I respect him for that. I just wish there was more people like him. I just know girls will love him for that and if they don't they need to open their eyes. But the other one, our friendship right as of this moment... is not here. Long story for him but he's real as can be also.

I don't know. I need to stop dealing with little boys and start dealing with a man. I mean I can be a little childish at times because I like to goof aroun...keep myself entertained. But other then that... imma be saying goodbye to them little boys that call themselves men!

Hmmm...

Have you ever felt like you still have that childness residing in you?

Well that's how I felt when I was working at my new job yesturday. I work at a nursey in a gym. The ages are from 6 weeks old to 7 years of age. Of course most of them were in between. As I was taking care of them... the child that I used to be came right back into me. Running around, making jokes, watching seasame street, all that you can think of. I had so much fun watching these little rugrats, lol. That's the type of environment that I love to be around. Something that can remind you of what to be happy for in life. Their positive attitude me feel free of every pain that I was going through. They made me feel happy, enjoyable, and free of negativity. All the stress was just gone when I was around them.

After work I drove to my other job, which is close by. I had to work an 8 hr shift. That went by really quick, but it was a little aggravating. Just moving from one pt to another in just a matter of time was just aggravating. But its whatever... I'm getting paid for it. Today it wasn't that bad compared to yesturday... but tomorrow - IT'S FRIDAY!! That means its going to be CRAZY!

So yea I have 2 jobs. Trying to get a third one. I need the money this summer. I'm behind with certain things that I have already mentioned numerous times. I also need to find a good quality car for me to go from pt. A to pt. B without any problems by the end of this summer. So I have raise money for that. I also want to help my mother pay the cell phone bill which is over the amount that we should be paying monthly. I want to get that out the way for her. That's the least I can do for her. But she won't except the money from me. She states that I earned the money for my purposes. I dont want to hear that. All that you have done for me for 20 years...c'mon let me help.

I should be heading off to bed right now since I have work tomorrow morning. Until next time -
*Seksi*