Feeling Lonely...

My Mood: Lonely
Music Playing: I Get So Lonely by: Janet Jackson

I hate feeling lonely.

It sucks at times...

There are times when I want to be alone, but there are times when I just want to be with someone I care for and feel like everything is okay and there is nothing to worry about.

I miss having a mans comfort. Being in their arms feeling secure, feeling their fingers running through my hair (I love that feeling), laughing at the jokes they make, looking at them act stupid at times, having long conversations when I am with them...etc.

I just wish I could be with this certain person right now.

There are times you are just not meant to have it I guess...

.:Sigh:.

Why?

Have you ever went through an issue whereas you have been wanting something for so long and when it's there... your frozen up?

Well this has happened to me twice. I have been wanting this person for so long and finally that I had that opportunity, I'm all frozen up inside. And I feel bad because I lead him on. Something keeps holding me back from what I want to do... and I dont know why.

Last night him and I chilled for the whole day after work. He asked me to come to his crib and I did. Everything was str8. Laughing, chilling, talking, play fighting, all that you can name made everything coo naw mean. But then when it came to just him and I alone... I was frozen up HARD! My mind kept on talking and talking to the pt everytime I had the chance I would stop right in the middle. As much as I wanted to, I couldnt and that shyt is urking me HARD. So now, basically I wasted his time and basically mine.

I feel he has every right to be upset because I say one thing and all of a sudden my mind is changed. The thing is... what is making me feel this way and WHY?

I would write more, but I have to leave for work. I'll finish this on later tonight.
*Seksi*

Hiiiiiiiiii... :oD

Hope everyone had fun on the 4th of July :)

I did.

Oh...one more thing, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEMO! :)

Byyyeeeeeeeee,
*Seksi*

Feeling Happy...

My mood for the past few days has been good. I am feeling better everyday... nothing negative has come to me since the last time I spoke negative.

My summer so far... DRAMA FREE, lol. My job... it can get a little annoying, but it's coo at this moment. I'm looking for a better job for better pay... need the money if I'm trying to do some big things in my life. For example... I'm planning to move out of the Bean in two years. Beantown has nothing for me at all. I mean I love my home town, but when there is nothing that is provided, look somewhere else. I need to start a whole new life else where. I already started looking for schools down south. I'm visiting the schools in August with my cousin who is also looking for a school down there. After that, I want to move to NY (no surprise... who doesn't want to move there) or Cali. Yea I know that is far, but I want to move as far from this place.

The peron I have spoke about before... him and I are chill. It's taking some time to chill with each other because of our jobs, but you know I can't complain about it. he's going to Jamaica... wish he told me that in advance...I would LOVE to go to Jamaica. I'm planning to go in December our Spring Break. I'm planning to travel to a lot of places. I want to go back to Italy again, Then after, Paris, Jamaica, Cuba, Cali, ATL, the Bahama...etc. I love to travel. However, I need someone or some people to come with me. I can't go alone.. that's no fun to me...

Anywho, I gotta get ready for work, so when I really have something to talk about then I'll come talk to you. Today... I was just babbling nothing, lol.
*Seksi*